Kudou Hikaru

Words Fail Me

Which is why I'm here instead of...elsewhere.

Dear God, I'm so sorry for cussing so much lately, but things have been so fucking messed up that there are no other words to describe and to give as a response to.

So here goes: Fuck, fuck, fuck it all.

I just can't...I have so much feelings that they all swell within me and is in danger of exploding - whether in anger or in burst of tears - any time soon.

I should be stronger than this...but even the strongest will falter with time.

Shit.

I'm too awesome for all this shit around me.

Better Left Unsaid...

...in public as an announcement, but better typed out here for personal relief.

What goes on in my mind lately is simple. Simple, but very much vulgar.

"Fuck you. I'm too awesome for your shit, bitch."

...Or, when my self-control is still functioning well:

"..."

Current Music: Stereo Hearts - Maroon Five

Terribad

If only I could yell "Fuck this shit" out loud...it'll do me wonders. That, and telling outright "Fuck you and fuck your opinions", as well as "Go fuck yourselves, I'm too awesome for this shit" to those who fucking deserve it.

No Words...Not Really

1. *uck it all.
2. In too deep. Need to escape before it's too late, but somehow I can't find the way out...
3. When will my ship come in? Or am I doomed for all eternity?

What in the world--

I have never wanted to yell a curse word at the top of my lungs more than right now.

Why the deuce is this happening to me!?

Fufufufu

Why the deuce is next Saturday so far away!? I need my last episode of T&B like burning!

Will Sunrise please stop trolling us already and just give me my BL ending because it's so effing obvious that they ship the pairing at least as much as us fujoshi's do?

DAI Kirai na

I fucking hate Korean shows, for all reasons imaginable.

Damn it. Damn it all.

Sighing

Okay, so apparently LJ is down due to some DDoS attack.

Hopefully it'll resolve soon.

Until now I don't understand how some people could just do others wrong, like hacking and identity thefts to name a few...

...then I remember that some people are just incurably stupid and/or evil that they can't sit well when others are not in misery.

Also, the Norway tragedy? Very tragic, and I can only offer my condolences.

It's a mad, mad world we live in, and it doesn't look like the madness will go away anytime soon.

God protect us all.

Current Music: Love Love - Take That

Osoi!

Okay, so...is nobody actually subbing Sacred Seven post haste? Because it's been some time and I'd like to follow up with the second episode...

...And when will they air Dantalion no Shoka?

Guuhhhh

...the HECK is wrong with the world these days!?

The world is getting overpopulated with creeps and selfish bastards, who should go eff themselves in some remote planet.

On second thought, hell no. Wouldn't want them to breed more creeps and selfish bastards to populate the universe.

Damnit all.

asdfghjkl

DAMNIT GOV'MENT!!!!!1111

Retarded

Pathetic ISP is pathetic.

Why the eff is my country overrun by utter morons, especially those in the higher-ups?!

Yucks!

...Reality TV shows disgust me.

Maybe it's human nature the one that disgusts me, but the fact that reality TV shows are overladen with moral decadence and other nasty aspects that people resort to, I can still say that I fucking hate reality TV shows, be it singing competitions or dancing competitions or even cooking.

Perhaps the most tolerable one for me would be Project Runway...at least I can see how they actually see fashion. Not to say that I agree to their interpretation though.

If only I could change Ne-Yo's 'So Sick' to represent my abhorrence towards reality TV shows...

Nnnggghh

More of my complaints about the pathetic state of Internet connection that I am unfortunate to be stuck with. Like, what's up with that!? Real uncool, guys. Buck up already, dangit!

Working - rather, doing _anything_ - with a sluggish connection is like getting trapped in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam, moving ahead in mere inches before jamming on the brake again to prevent ramming into the car ahead of you.

At the end of the day, you barely feel like you've made progress. Pathetic, ain't it?

As a side note, am also pissed off with a local TV station that butchered their airing of the old Chinese film The Storm Riders. They cut of several scenes that the entire movie felt like it was cropped - perhaps to make way for more commercials? Damn those money-hungry business people!

But the movie made me realise a few things:

1. How I used to be so into HK films before
2. The characters must be having a different immunological function that us - no way would that graft be accepted that easily!
3. Why are credible female characters so few!? I am ashamed to call myself a female if this continues...
4. Why the deuce does Cloud angst so much? He pretty much 'gets' (as in, is accompanied by) the women in the movie!
5. Will there be a day when Wind realises that his hair is just too long to be practical for battle and that it might get him killed one day?
6. ...So, like, Cloud's elemental combination is water and fire, while Wind is wind and ice. Interesting, how the elements conflict with each other in terms of their users and when it comes to the user's own. Example: Water puts out fire, water being cold and fire hot; wind being formless and ice being solid. Interesting dynamics there.
7. F*** YEAH EXTREME BROMANCE!!!!111
8. ...So now just do each other, damnit!!!
9. ...Drat, methinks I need to watch the second movie. Will the TV station air it next, or should I just purchase the DVD?

...Yeah, I reckon I _do_ have too much time on my hands. Pfft.

Current Music: Smile - Avril Lavigne

Epic Facepalm

...I've been facepalming pretty often these days.

But DAMNIT ISP, work properly will you!? Especially since I've exceeded my broadband limit and now the speed is uber slow that it's pathetic.

Current Music: Written in the Stars - Tinie Tempah featuring Eric Turner

wtf wtf wtf

Is it too much to ask for the world to BLOODY STOP DOING STUPID THINGS, STOP KILLING OTHER PEOPLE and get a FUCKING LIFE ALREADY?

Is it not bad enough that our name is already tainted as it is? What else do you want to smear our reputation with?

If some people can actually think properly instead of wasting their lives chasing some stupid dreams and leaving the world with more atrocities to live with, then GTFO of the living world. By killing yourself alone and NOT to involve innocent people around!

Seriously, I'm so sick of human idiocy. Not to say that the Internet is full with wise people. People with stupid opinions and narrow-minded thinking should just STFU and stay away from seeding hate and misunderstandings online.

Current Music: Price Tag - Jessie J. featuring B.o.B

Movie Night YEAH!!!

Just one movie, but it still counts.

Thor was awesome and I won't allow anyone to say otherwise.

Also, why do I always root for characters who are underdogs/the third wheel/the angsty ones? What the flipping heck!?

Yes, I like Loki. Problem?

Does shipping Thor/Loki make me a bad person? Even though I do support the movie's het-pairing?

...If I get a pet bunny (right now I'm kinda pissed off with cats...) I'll probably name it Loki. Or...get a second one to call Barnaby and a third to call Kotetsu-jisan.

...What? The fangirl-cum-fujoshi in me is very much alive and well, thank you.

Current Music: Raise Your Glass - P!nk

Retaliation

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any, also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. That will be sufficient. If you shall find that he had not intended any offense, come out frankly and confess yourself in the wrong when you struck him; acknowledge it like a man and say you didn't mean to. Yes, always avoid violence; in this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined" - Mark Twain

Current Music: Forget You - Glee Cast cover

(Over) Familiarity Breeds Contempt

"Hell is other people." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

My Priorities are Screwed

I need to study, but at the same time..

I NEED SEKAI-ICHI HATSUKOI like BURNING!!!!111

Current Music: Ashita, Boku wa Kimi ni Ai ni Yuku (TV Version) - Wakaba

Global Warming

Damn, I hate this fucking hellhole with all my heart. The heat is too counter-productive, and the people here - most of them - are incurable morons that should be shipped away to some island to be taught how to behave in a more civilised manner.

whut??

Playing Dissidia.

It's amazing how I now find Cloud and Squall rather annoying with their emo overload and I-alone-'coz-I-choose-to-'coz-I'm-too-cool-compared-to-the-other-side-characters...Pfft.

Firion is da man, and I won't allow anyone to say otherwise!!

As a side note, all the conversation between Sephiroth and Cloud make them sound like they're in an abusive lovers' relationship, with Sephiroth's "I'm always guiding you" and whatnot. Seriously, guys!? Get a room already!

Out, damnit, OUT!!

Fucking idiots shouldn't be allowed to post _anything_ on the Net, just like cybercriminals should not be allowed any online access. In a way it does save valuable bandwidth...

Idiocy is contagious, and it's not like the TV is already doing enough damage, what with all the shows that insult (and impair?) your intelligence, as well as dumb politicians opening their dumb mouths to say even dumber things.

That's the problem of the world now: It's not the lack of knowledge or truth, but the fact that there're too many falsified versions of the truth and, honestly, one can't keep up to verify every single darn thing.

Current Music: Enrai ~Tooku ni Aru Akari~ (Less Vocal Track) - HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR

Why and WHY!?

Is it all right to have no opinion towards something - despite the seriousness of the matter?

Also...some people's outright stupidity, ignorance, insensitivity and being utter jerks both amaze and despair me. The world is seriously going to the dogs.

Current Music: Orion no Nazoru - UNISON SQUARE GARDEN

Just A Statement...Or Two.

Reading bad EngRish makes my head ache, my eyes weary, and my heart angered...

...and honestly, the offender should be thanking God that s/he is not within my slapping range...That I can only resort to facepalming myself at the utter meaninglessness of the person's words and the sheer waste of my time.

Current Music: Ikitoshi Ikeru Mono E - Moriyama Naotarou

Byouki...

I don't know which is worse - this abdominal discomfort and nausea, or the migraine-line symptoms following my caffeine withdrawal.

Regardless, both are leaving me too sick to study, so what better way to use the time than to watch some anime?

Katanagatari, I choose you (over The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya because I suspect Haruhi's annoying antics won't do my illness any good...)!

And so, imagine my unpleasant surprise when the female lead of the series remind of Suzumiya Haruhi herself?

What the hell!? Why so bossy, and so tsundere?!

ARGH!!!

...and wtf is she doing she talks so bloody much!?

Overpossessive much?

...even though I know it's not like _it_ really belongs to me and me alone. What the hell, Self!?

In any case, allow me to let this out...

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--------

It's Official

1. I need a faster, more powerful Apple laptop.
2. Celcom broadband is a fucking mega-idiot.
3. Facebook is effing annoying. Why must they screw with all the privacy settings PLUS make it more difficult to un-friend rather than be-friending? I mean, I ain't no adding any Tom, Dick and Harry into my list!
4. I need to get serious. Time is seriously running out!

Current Music: Club Can't Handle Me - FloRida featuring David Guetta

Borderline Personality? Me?

1. People both fascinate and annoy be - all at the same time. As a result, most of the time I'm at a loss on what stand to take.
2. Damnit, ISP, quit screwing around and just friggin' WORK, damn you! How pathetic could you get?!

Current Music: Kimi no Kirei ni Kizuiteokure - Sambomaster

Forget Coherent Speech

WTF, Sugata!?

What is this I can't even.

Star Driver is totally losing it. It's getting difficult trying to take it seriously.

...And where the deuce is my SugataXTakuto OTP, dangit!?

As a side note...I now have Katanagatari, yeah!

Current Music: Higher - Taio Cruz featuring David Guetta

Uso

The following are most likely truths stretched far and beyond. Here goes!

1. I'm okay.
2. It's all fine.
3. No need to panic for now...
4. Just because I don't have it now, it doesn't mean that it's completely not going to be mine. It's all a matter of time!
5. Wtf am I doing!!?? Have I lost my mind, my integrity!!??

Current Music: Everything is Alright - Motion City Soundtrack

WUT, just WUT.

...because the world's a fucked up place as it is and it needs some rough reminders.

1. WTF are those who are in power are mostly fucking idiots who only want to save their own skin rather than actually acting on behalf of the people?
   Can I say that the only people more stupid than those stupid leaders/office workers/politicians/etc are those who voted them into power. Seriously!?
2. Like, why are people so intent on killing each other, their own brethens!?
3. WTF are stupid people posting their stupid opinions on the Net, thinking that they know more than they actually do!?
4. Why is corruption and sufferings so prevalent nowadays?

Current Music: Main Theme - Zombie Loan OST

Ungrateful much? Forgive me, God

I can't help thinking that I deserve so much more...

...but maybe my time just hasn't arrived yet.

What to do in the meantime, then?

Make myself more deserving! Hell, yeah!

Current Music: King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

Six (Rhetorical) Questions

1. Who the hell am I kidding when I chant "Jikan ga mada aru yo"!?
2. What the hell has got into me?
3. Where has my conscience gone to, when I need it most?
4. When am I ever going to learn!?
5. Why the hell am still procrastinating like nobody's business!?
6. How am I really going to pull myself through and out of all this?

Current Music: Like A G6 - Far East Movement

LOL?

Sometimes fans crack me up, in which just 'coz they're obsessed with their fandom, it gives them all the right to whine and say what they want because, y'know, their opinion means everything. Not even any seasoned director deserves to top their opinion.

Personally I'm more like "meh", but seriously! I doubted Martin Freeman as John Watson in BBC's Sherlock, and now I consider him as on par as Jude Law's Watson. Really!

Conclusion? The rest of the world, duke it out. I'm just going to do what I usually do - sit by the sidelines and enjoy the show. If the show becomes a flop, so what?

I mean, it's not related to Sherlockiana in anyway so...yeah. Whatever.

Current Music: Heaven - Jars of Clay

What They Say

Patience is a virtue. So everyone says. Even the Scriptures. Because really, things don't always go our way, so what else is there to do?

They say that luck is when opportunity meets preparation. So what good was there that despite my relative preparedness for the presentation, I suddenly chickened out? Besides, the patient was really deteriorating so...yeah, I'd like to think that things were just not going well for me at that period in time. Because they say that it's always darkest before dawn, yeah? So with this murky and depressing and unlucky situations that I'm in, perhaps it signals a better future? An exit from all this misery?

They say that life is unfair. One man's labour is another man's reward. I did most of the work last night and yet...it didn't really feel rewarding as it should be. I should be happy, shouldn't I, that I had assisted them? That God gave me the chance to do good deeds, to be selfless? So what the heck am I mulling over the damned thing now!?

Damn. How is it that I'm too weak to counter my preoccupations?

They say that good things come to those who wait. I say...life's a waiting game anyway.

...Speaking of which, I'm missing Miyavi more and more. Without him, I feel a great dependence on people. I hate that. I like to have things at my own pace, the liberty to go wherever I please and need to be.

Current Music: Secrets - OneRepublic

OTT?

Come on now, seriously!? A PSP-Mobile phone combo!? All this infatuation with gadgets is starting to worry me...

I mean, yeah, while I do think - for now, at least - that having a tablet is redundant if one already owns both a laptop and a smartphone/PDA...what will the me of the future think? I mean, I used to think that simple phones - those that have the basic functions of calls and texts, with no music (mp3 or radio), colour screen, polyphonic ringtones (I wonder if the youngsters of today ever knew of the old ringtones we were stuck with), or even Infrared or Bluetooth - but now I can't function without my PDA. A mobile phone, despite its having mp3 enabled and email enabled and a radio (which my PDA doesn't have, but who really listens to the radio nowadays!?), doesn't satisfy me enough.

Frankly, all this greed to get more and more advanced gadgets is freaking me out. Seeing people lining up just to purchase, say, the Apple iPad is akin to the hungry crowd surrounding a truck providing them their food.

It's scary like whoa, I tell you.

...On a lighter note, Gosick already begins to air. I wonder if I should try to follow it weekly...

...Damn my break's ending. Sigh.

Also, damn my documentations and certificates and stuff. Argh.

Current Music: a fanmade songmix

On Tumblr

Once again, my addiction is dangerously putting my entire future at stake.

But I'll pull this off, make it happen. Perform. Somehow, but I effing will - because I've no other choice.

That said, there are things that I frankly hate about Tumblr posts:

1. Almost all of the posts talk about love, being in love, being out of love, and any of the spectrum on love.
   Because, y'know, some people think that LOVE IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN THE WORLD and so having it is like THE BESTEST THING EVAHH and not having it makes one REALLY REALLY SAD AND EMO AND STUFF. Pfft.
   Seriously, world? GROW UP.
2. Pictures of people making out.
   Gross. Get a room and lock it and adopt a NO CAMERA policy!
   What the eff happened to privacy??
3. Pictures of girls' abdomens.
   ...Initially I think the photos are promoting fashions or poses or the background...Now I think the lean 'models' are making me feel kinda fat. Dangit.
4. The profanity overload.
   Seriously. Name it, it's there - in all its glory? Aww man. It's like mood incontinence, with absolutely no moral compass to put things straight and, y'know, control things.
   I weep for the future of literature. Which is already bad enough ever since Twilight came to existence, but really now...Maybe teens or immature people nowadays have too much emotions, rage, hatred and obscene thoughts that the only way to maintain their sanity and world peace if for them to vent the negative energy out into cyberspace. You know, conservation of energy and all that.
   Because otherwise, the world will be seeing chaos everywhere.
5. Sometimes I think Tumblr is like a wildfire set loose - because things posted there have the inherent capacity to become viral. To be reblogged so many times by so many people. And imagine if rumours were to spread there - there can be no stopping it.
6. All this following and unfollowing business.
   It kinda gives the impression that having tons of followers will give someone a sense of being ALL THAT AND MORE.
   And so I constantly remind myself that whatever I'm posting or reblogging, I do it for my own pleasure. Yeah!

Current Music: Made for You - OneRepublic

In A Loop

...There's no end to this, is there? My habits are as staunch as ever, with a worrying disregard to priorities and the stake of my future.

Damn it.

Current Music: Heaven - Jars of Clay

Troublesome

it's tiring to take a stand on anything there days. it's like every option there is is the same - equally bad, equally damning. like practically every politician is an idiot, and they're all selfish.

my country is so pathetic, I'm humiliated. But I don't want to go down with it. Pfft.

Out of Bounds

I give up.

The world is so screwed that there appears to be no remedy for it.

The television is chock full of morons doing moronic things, and news either make you realise that the world is thoroughly screwed up or that no news can be believed as easily as before because, y'know, rumours and fabrications and whatnot.

Meanwhile...I'm too weak to rise up against the temptations.

Damn.

Patience

Forgive them, for they know not.

...Besides, it might be easier to shut up - because in arguing, you'll have to listen to counter their points. If you just let it slide...well, there's no need to pay attention to the details.

Let it be, let it be.

Yeah. This is an attempt to grow a thicker skin. Am I doing it wrong? Am I doing it well?

New Year, Old Me?

Gosh, I'm such a sap, I wonder if I can ever grow up.

And I'm being too much of an introvert nowadays, that my social life is at stake.

Dangit.

Current Music: Auld Lang Syne